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20) If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.12) When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us.It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.10) If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins.Have you ever seen a child, on his way to school, have a car drive past and splash him, and then he just stands there and thinks if he should just go to school or go home and change and be late... - Jack Handey Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

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- Jack Handey A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. "That's dynamite, baby." - Jack Handey Next Thanksgiving, here is a fun trick to play: When the mashed potatoes and turkey are being served, take some of both. " - Jack Handey The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me.

I started to drive over to the real Disney Land, but it was getting pretty late.” “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?

We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” “I guess we were all guilty, in a way.

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